You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
