p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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