Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
