just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
