Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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