PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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