I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Congratulations! We have a period
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
