Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
