hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
