K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
