You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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