i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
