Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
