bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
