A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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