My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drunk is not a location!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
