oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
