went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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