i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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