K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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