Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
