I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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