my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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