we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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