His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
