I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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