i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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