i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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