He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
