I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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