Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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