I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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