DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
