Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
