oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
