The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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