He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
