I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
