I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
