I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
