I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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