I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
