yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
