So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
