I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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