he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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