I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
