her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
