sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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