I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
