I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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